Laos - Summer 2013

There's no toilet roll

Saturday, 27 July

Starting in Jordan, me and Jane have done a lot of travelling together as a pair and despite our best attempts only occasionally do we manage to convince others to join us.  This time we decided not to bother.  We'd just plan it as a pair; it's a big trip after all and we luckily have very similar interests.  Four people ended up joining us; two more friends from work, my brother and his wife.  This will be interesting. 

After just a single day in busy Hanoi we found ourselves horizontal for 27 hours and 43 minutes aboard a sleeper bus to Luang Prabang, Loas.  It sounds absolutely gruelling.  It wasn't so bad.  Novelty probably played a large role but the beds were soft, quilts were provided and the bus was air conditioned and largely empty enough for us to have a double "bed" each.  Amazing, they need these in England!

It's a beautiful mountainous and scenic route that is not without its bumps and bends big enough to make your entire body airborne for a couple of seconds and land in a different bed.  I'm a good sleeper so it was not a problem.  You can't help, however, but to grip onto something as the bus takes the tight overhanging turns with a driver that has singularly been going at it for well over a day now.  Rest stops to replenish and release pressures were plentiful but it was on this journey that we encountered the worst kept toilets known to mankind.  It was the Vietnam side of passport control and my first attempt had me running out gagging from the foul stench before even undoing one button.  I had to do this tactfully.  With buttons pre-prepared, I inhaled deeply and aimed to hold my breath through the entire flow.  I had drank a lot of water, and I cannot hold my breath for very long; it was not a pleasant experience.  Please note that if you do make this trip, much nicer toilets are on the Laos side of the boarder ("much nicer" doesn't by any means mean nice).       

We arrived at 9pm to a lovely Liberty Guest House run by a wonderful brother sister combo.  We were starving and after a quick wash we left for the town to find that everywhere was preparing to close.  By 11pm we were walking home from a ghost town.  We soon learnt that Laos has its slippers on by 9, in bed by 10 and is sound asleep by 11.  We went to bed on a belly of peanuts, crackers and beer and so desperately looked forward to breakfast. 

The morning brought pork noodles (nothing to really write about) and a walking tour around the centre through museums and markets.  It was here where we found our first culinary delight of Laos.  Nestled away in a honeycomb structure, a wrinkled old dear was selling some kind of grub.  I handed over the smallest note in my pocket and she offered me a handful.  I took two and gestured the rest back.  By this point the other market vendors were highly entertained and were looking forward to our dramatic screams and dances as we munched.  It didn't happen, they weren't so bad; a bit of an unpleasant pop of almost tasteless gunk.  A whole handful in one go may have been a different story but just the one will do me.  We spent the main part of the day at Kuang Si Waterfalls swimming in the pools and being nipped all over by tiddlers; like being in a full body fish spa blindfolded.  Sounds horrible but it made for some exciting screams from the girls when the occasional big one came along and I managed to come out feeling cleaner than ever.  Easily the best waterfall I have seen and climbing to the top gave us some impressive views.   

Dinner was at LaoLao Gardens where we experienced the traditional Lao barbeque.  Here you are provided with raw goods and hot coals in the centre of your table.  Fun over flavour but well worth it and I left wanting one of these tables in my garden.  By 10pm Laos was closing up, but, we had heard from an unnamed source that there is in fact one place that does remain open pass the local curfew... the bowling alley!  The perfect end to a brilliant day.

Fish Sauce infused tequila anyone?

Monday, 29 July

We took an 8 hour (should have been 6) bus to VangVieng again via beautiful scenery and wee villages.  The bus broke down twice and we had to wait for another bus to be pulled from hanging off the cliff edge and back onto the road.  But not to worry, VangVieng is thee antidote to all of life's problems.  Sitting back on halfbeds(that's what I'm calling them) with food and drink on order and the entire series of Friends playing in a loop; It genuinely doesn't get more chilled than this.  It is a sleepy town that has been taken over by a tourist tidal wave.  I love it now but I can't begin to imagine how tranquil it was before the multi-storey hotels and bars started to appear.  But hey there would be no 24/7 Friends playing so its swings and roundabouts really.  Across the road from our hotel we sat on the floor around a table and ate the Laotian national dish; Larb with stick rice (Fun fact: Lao people are the number one sticky rice eaters in the world!).  It is a minced pork salad flavoured with fish sauce, a little spice and powerful, fragrant herb leaves.  The result is quite a dry, bland dish which gave me food envy over my brothers succulent roasted pork.  It is another one off the list though! 

Tubing is what put Laos on the backpackers map and has been largely controversial over the last few years due to many drink/drug related deaths; a complete contrast to the uber chilled life of Laos.  It was still enough to give us butterflies and accept the life jackets when picking up our tractor inner tubes.  It was a rainy day, the water was going pretty fast (noted that what usually takes 3 hours in the dry season was going to take us just the 1!?) and it was nowhere near as busy as Google images made out.  The tuktuk drove us and our tubes up river, dropped us off and left.  No instruction, no direction, not even a good luck.  Though my pictures make it look like the worse day to go tubing ever, it was the rain that made it such a good day!  We had sooooo much fun playing beer pong in the bars and volley ball in the mud.  The skeletons of old closed down bars remained on the banks but there were still a few open.  We learnt that in this season it is important to make sure you are on the correct side of the river early enough as we drifted by at least two bars that we tried to frantically swim towards (video below: my bro and his wife trying to get to the bar that we were waiting at).  We had a great time and were properly buzzing afterwards.  The walk back from tubing is dotted with street BBQ's selling amazingly cheap and tasty pork and chicken skewers.  I got a few skewers of chicken hearts and then managed to grab a few more sticks of meat from every BBQ vendor we saw. 

This was our last day in Lao and the evening saw us buying a bottle of special local brew so I could tick off one of the main reasons for my being here.  To down a shot of snake laoLao; a potent rice whisky given an extra kick by macerating a snake and scorpion within each bottle.  One of the items I was least looking forward to on my list.  We each poured ourselves a shot, counted down from 3 and then threw it down the back of our hatch.  Well all but two of us did, one of which included me.  The second I raised it to my mouth, the stench of putrid fish sauce pulled my brain through my nose and shoved it down my throat.  My brother headed straight for the balcony and threw up and the others just stood there, pale faced, in shock.  Lao people don't drink this!! Do they??  After what seemed like an hour of staring into my shot glass, with a plastic bag lined bin pulled closer, I held my nose and knocked it back.  Blurgh...  Scorpion or no scorpion, officially the worst tasting drink ever.  The perfect end to our time in Lao?  No, not even close, but it had to be done.  I have a list and I'm sticking to it!  And so it is, Lao in a nut shell.  We simply got a snapshot of the laid back Laotion life style and their simple, no hassle food with sticky rice.  A 4 hour night bus takes us to the capital, Vientiane, where we fly to Cambodia.  I love Lao! :o)

La tomatina survival guide

The last Wednesday of August is the day of one of my favourite things to tick off my experience list; The Tomato Festival in Spain.  In preparation we researched everything we could but generally found no where that gave solid answers to what we were after.  From me to you, every question we had before the big day.

Where is best to stay the night before?

The festival is actually in a small town called Bunol which is just outside of Valencia.  Between 4 of us, we rented an apartment for a week in central Valencia right by the "plaza de toros" (the bullring) which is next to a train station.  A good spot to be if you plan to do more than just the festival.  The train station is not the main one for Bunol and it does require a change over, but there are definite advantages to this.  You can only book your ticket a certain amount of time before it departs (I can't remember how long this is but you definitely could not book them the night before!) and the queue at this station for the booking machines would have been significantly shorter than at the main station.   

How do you get there and what time should you leave?

We got to our station for 5am and booked our tickets for the first train to Bunol.  Seems a little extreme for a festival that starts at 11am but by 6am the station was heaving with people and the queues for the ticket machines were ridiculous.  I dread to think how many people didn't actually manage to make it to the festival.  From here we had to walk down the road to catch a metro to the main station.  The queues at the main station were extreme and as we had bought our tickets already we just walked (ran with arms waving in the air) straight passed the queues and onto the next train to Bunol.  It's plain sailing from there. 

Do I really need goggles?

I originally decided on wearing goggles and then very quickly changed my mind on the impact of the first tomato.  There are a few reasons for this:

1. Getting hit in the face definitely hurts more when wearing goggles.   
2. Every splatter of a tomato requires at least 10 seconds of cleaning before you can see again.
3. I am pretty sure people aimed for me more purely because I was wearing goggles.

Yes the build up of tomato acid in your eyes does start to get a bit sore but a flush of water fixes it straight away.  Carry a bottle (plastic!) of water with you or just wait for the locals to get their hose pipes out at the end.

What should I wear?

Old clothes.  My white shirt is still slightly yellow but my denim shorts, a year later, are completely fine.  I wore denim with the thinking that they wouldn't be able to be ripped off.  Most importantly, wear secure fitting shoes.  There were a truck load of shoes and flip flops on the side of the road at the end.  I wore my wet shoes from coasteering which were perfect.  Just keep in mind that your feet will get trodden on.

What else should I take?

Nothing! Well as little as possible.  I tried wrapping my train ticket and some money in a plastic sleeve and it still ended up sodden.  If you have a proper waterproof phone pouch or something similar then use it.  Money for drinks and the best BBQ food at the end is a must.  BBQ's line the whole route back to the train station so don't bother queuing for the first few that you see.  If you have to take bags with you then there are paid "cloak rooms" if required. 

Is it really as rough as people say?

No!  I spent far to long worrying about this after reading things online.  Everyone was in a proper festival spirit.  I absolutely loved chatting to people and drinking their cold sangria.  I didn't feel threatened at all (nor did the two girls I was with) and I didn't witness any shirt ripping as I read online.  You will get pushed around a little but I came out with no bumps, scrapes or bruises. 

Anything else to note?

The best place to be when you are there is near the meat post.  But if you get there early enough, the post wouldn't even be up yet.  Ask around, it's in a square quite far into your walk from the station.

My waterproof and shockproof camera was in its element.

As the tomatoes start to bake into your skin under the midday sun, it will itch.  You will have the best shower ever and it was totally worth having our own apartment to go back to. 

Valencia has a good 3 or 4 days worth of stuff to do in it.  read my blog on Spain for more information on stuff to do.  Enjoy it!  :o)

(Sorry for any spelling mistakes! I'm rushing as I leave for Vietnam tomorrow and don't get back before the festival!! :o))

 

Chilli Crab in Singapore

Possibly the most impressive National Dish in the world.  The kind of dish other countries look at and wish to claim it as their own;  the Singaporean Chilli Crab is up there among my favourite.  I had my first chilli crab in a hawker centre which I believe should be everybody's first experience of the dish.  No frills, just the crab and its powerful sauce.  Despite its name, it is not a particularly hot sauce; but its flavour is unmatched and works perfectly with the delicate crab meat.  Be careful though, I did slice my thumb open trying to get into the damn thing and the sauce certainly did not help the pain.  You will make a mess, you will have it all over your face and you will feel like everyone is watching you.  Totally worth it all.   

See my trip to Singapore.

Tortilla de patata (Spanish omelette)

So what's so great about an omelette with potato in it? Exactly my thoughts before my first trip to
Spain.  It is an absolute prime example of how simple ingredients come together to make amazing dishes.  My first attempt tasted like egg and potato.  So I had a Spanish friend, Gorka, teach me the method behind making it so sweet.  It is a dish entirely dependent on simple technique. 

Ingredients:

Eggs
Chopped Potatoes (2cm pieces?)
Sliced Onions
Olive Oil
Salt

(Seriously that's it!)

Method:

Find a pan that is big enough and deep enough to make a nice thick omelette.  Half fill it with oil and add the potatoes and onions to the desired thickness of your omelette.  Add more oil if necessary to cover the potatoes.  Fry until potatoes are cooked.  In a separate bowl, whisk up the eggs (with a little salt) and add the fried potato and onion mix.  Get rid of most of the oil from the pan and add the egg, potato and onion mixture and cook until one side is done.  It is difficult to check that it is not burning so be careful! 

Turning it over:  A few options...  Flipping from one pan to another works best but this requires you having two of the same pan.  Sliding onto a plate and then flipping it over back into the pan is another good option.  Grilling the top works but it has a slightly different end product.  You decide. 

Gorka insists a little runny egg must remain for a good omelette but some people get a bit queasy about this.  If you are eating it hot, straight away with a fork, then I would recommend having it a little runny.  If it is to be served later like a slice of cake, cook it through a little more. 


Optional additions:

- Courgette
- Aubergine
- Red pepper
- Garlic
- Parsley

Do try the standard Tortilla De Patata first to really appreciate its simplicity.  Then you can work out what you would like in your next one.  Any vegetable that tastes great deep fried tends to work.  But only one or two of the additional ingredients are needed.  No need to over complicate.  Simply add to the potato/onion mixture before frying.  

Vietnam, Lao and Cambodia planning

Finally i will be a proper back packer again.  5 weeks travelling across these three countries is my next big trip.  Our plan is a round route starting and finishing in Hanoi.  It seems do-able but its going to be pretty tight.  I have put together a bunch of things to do in each place and have researched a possible route to take.  This is how i plan my big trips, even though i know that the chances of actually following this route/itinerary is very slim.  Something always comes up to change the plans and they are usually better.  But i still like having a plan of some sort.  And creating them is possibly the best down time ever.  Vaccinations are looking to be expensive.  Heb A, Hep B and Japanese Encephalitis seem to be the big ones with Rabies being optional.  The grand total is about £300 and that's without a 5 week supply of Malaria tablets.  Once the jabs are out the way, Visas are the next pain in the arse to deal with.   It will be totally worth it; the food looks out of this world!

 

The Man vs Food American Road Trip

Damn this would be an amazing trip.  This summer is already booked up in South East Asia so maybe next summer.  This is what i do to distract myself from the pile of marking i have on my desk.  Procrastination at its absolute best!

Istanbul, Turkey - Spring 2013

Never stir a Turkish Coffee
Tuesday, 26 March

Just four weeks after Iceland and I am on my Easter break in Istanbul.  A massively historical city and home of the almighty kebab!  We are staying in Sultanahmet which is the hot spot for all of the main attractions. 

Within minutes of getting off the tram, we found ourselves tucking into our first doner kebab (Kebap) wrap.  Pretty much every second shop has a revolving log of meat; be it chicken, lamb or beef.  Having said that, I haven't seen any lamb doners!? It has all been beef or chicken.  Beef doner meat is gorgeous.  None of this pink, dog meat paste moulded into a block.  Actual slices of meat layered up, as tall as me, with herbs and spices.  I am so glad that i decided to delay my diet a little longer. 

Over a Turkish tea we sat in a cafe and planned our trip.  I think that it is fair to say that Turkish tea is the heart and soul of Turkey.  We like to think we are the big tea drinkers over in England, but comparatively we're not even in the same league.  Istanbul is run single-handedly by small glasses of tea with 2 sugar cubes.  Because of tea, we planned an awesome few days. 

For dinner we shared plates of chicken, lamb and beef kebabs which were simply just juicier, softer and tastier than the English counterpart.  Why can we not make them like this?!  The beef koftes in particular saddened me the most in having to share them.  They're so damn tasty! Caramelised on the outside and soft on the inside.  At some point on this trip, i'm having myself a whole plate of these.  Onwards from here we found a cafe and spent a small fortune on Turkish Delight and Baklava for dessert.  I don't even have a sweet tooth, i don't know how we ended up buying so much!  They are both extremely sweet and a little goes a long way.  We finished the night in a bustling Nargile (water-pipe/shisha) house, called Corlulu Ali pasa Medresesi, that we stumbled across on the way back to our hotel.  This was a

top find.  A perfect place to unwind with a pipe and a constant supply of sweet Turkish tea.  Were coming here again!

yes that is a no smoking sign...

This morning i was attracted to a queue of Turkish men spilling out of what looked like a local bakery (a Borekcisi?).  They sold various pastries from Boreks to... urmmm ok so Boreks were the only things i recognised in there.  I pointed at something with the intention of returning tomorrow morning and pointing at something else.  It was called a "Su Boregi" which looked like a cake of pasta sheets before being chopped up and piled into a container.  I don't think it is pasta but it tastes like ultra thin lasagna sheets layered with a salty soft cheese.  Breakfast and tea for about £1.50.  I followed this with a Turkish Coffee in a Denizen Cafe which is owned by two lovely Americans.  I have learnt my lesson with Turkish coffee when i was in Jordan.  The ground up coffee beans are not sifted, it just sits at the bottom and takes up almost half of the cup.  You never stir a Turkish Coffee and you definitely do not drink the whole cup.  The owners here were extremely helpful in planning our day and i would recommend coming just for some local knowledge of the place. 

First stop on our walking tour was the Blue Mosque.  It looks magnificent from the outside but it has quite an empty and dull interior.  Just a lot of space and not much else.  With the exterior looking so grand i guess it's difficult for the inside to live up to expectation.  We planned to go see inside the Hagia Sophia but the queue looked ridiculous and having annoyingly waited in line only to realise that we needed a ticket first, we ditched the idea and agreed that we were happy to leave it out of our itinerary. 

Onwards to being dragged, pulled and lured in every direction in the Grand Bazaar, the worlds largest covered market.  With 4400 different stores but an actual variety of probably about 9 different stores (souvenirs, fake clothes, leather jackets, gold, kebabs, teas/spices, dried fruits, lanterns and carpets), they will do anything to make a sale.  And if you don't speak Turkish, they will do anything to make a good sale (rip you off!).  My general rule of thumb; no matter how good of a deal you think you may have, you have still been ripped off.  My friend bartered a guy down from 15TL for one Spirograph toy to 30TL for three (for his kids) and walked away thinking he got a good deal.  Later we found another guy (and 12 more) happy to come down to three for 10TL.  Don't buy anything until you have bargained with at least 3 different sellers and always go in at a third of their initial price.  You will still be ripped off, but less so. 

The Bazaar is fascinating and another place that is held up by tea.  It's big, noisy, busy and if you don't look local you will be hassled constantly.  It can feel a little overwhelming but if you take it all in your stride it is an amazing place to be.  All three of us decided that we wanted to come back and do some proper shopping.  The spice bazaar was equally busy selling a range of Turkish delights from teas to sweets and most places offer vacuum packaging to help you fly them home.  We spent nearly the full day nosing the bazaars and it's an experience you should not miss when in Istanbul.

                  

For a brief break before walking back to the hotel we found a little back street tea spot where locals were sitting and playing old school board games.  Tea was the only thing they were selling at 1TL a cup.  We pulled out a pack of Uno cards and taught a lovely curious local how to play... and then proceeded to lose every game to him from then on.  Dinner was at the Mesale Cafe where we shared an impressive mixed kebab.  It was served with tissue thin flat bread which you can watch two women making throughout the night.  With the music, the whirling Dirvish dancer and not a local in sight, it is easily labelled as a tourist trap.  But a tourist trap that we all really enjoyed; the atmosphere and food was fantastic!  A night cap back at Corlulu Ali pasa Medresesi finished a busy day perfectly. 


So that's what it's like to be washed by a man...
Friday, 29 March

Over our morning coffee, in Denizen Cafe, the Americans recommended the old underground water system(cistern) as an interesting visit and warned us that we would be missing out greatly had we left without seeing inside the Hagia Sophia.  We did the Cistern(top left) first as the queues for the Hagia Sophia was again ridiculous.  Reading up the history of the Cistern i found this little underworld very interesting.  After filling our bellies and a few strong coffees it was time to tack ourselves onto the end of the snaking queues.  Luckily, within 5 minutes, a guide came and asked us whether we would like a tour that allowed us to skip the queues!? Yes please! 25TL for the ticket (this was standard) plus 10 Euros each for the guide was a price i was more than happy to pay.  The Hagia Sophia(left) is mind blowing and i completely recommend having a guide for it (even if it doesn't help you skip the queues!).  Built as a church almost 1500 years ago, then converted into a mosque 500 years ago and now a museum; it holds so much fascinating history of Christianity and Islam.  Furthermore, the mind just boggles thinking about how they put such an enormous and intricate building together way back in the 6th century.     

Ok so there is a lot more to Turkish food than Kebabs; there is a ton of unique street food.  Chestnuts and sweet corn are the common standards but in amongst that there's Turkish breads with Nutella, sweet syrup cakes, hot donuts, chicken rice and of course grilled meats on a stick.  A grilled fish sandwich (a Balik Ekmek) off a boat near the Galata bridge with a red cup of pickles was a particular tasty treat.  The donuts were the best donuts i have ever had.  Warm, crispy and soaked in a runny sweet syrup.  Sahlep vendors are also popular at this time of year selling a sweet thick, milky drink with a sprinkle of cinnamon and served hot as a hearty winter warmer.  It burnt my tongue and so i decided that i didn't like it. 

Wednesday was actually my birthday and so i treated myself to a Hamam.  Had it not been my birthday i would have still treated myself but it is nice to have an excuse to blow 80 euro.  Yes i spent 80 euros to be washed by a fat, hairy man... and i loved it.  I chose the Ayasofya Hurrem Sultan Hamam for its history as it seemed to be the oldest (but probably not) and was used by the Sultans and their wives over the ages.

I went in knowing absolutely nothing about what a Turkish bath entailed and so whatever happened, i knew it was going to be an experience.  On arrival i was given a silk wrap to change into.  No swimming trunks, no underwear, just a silk wrap.  I was then taken through to the baths and immediately felt like a king stood in an enormous, dome topped steam room paved in luxurious white marble and patterned with gold.  And then i caught a glimpse of the buttocks of an obese American (i presume) as he was being washed.  "Being washed!? so that's what i have payed for" questioned through my mind as i was lead towards a marble basin with a floating gold plated bowl.  And yes, that is what happens in Hamams i now know.  I was scrubbed head to toe with a scourer; just like my mum use to when i was a wee child.  The purple silk wrap was all i was wearing... and was all that he was wearing too.  After being soaked, scrubbed and washed; "wearing" is a word i use lightly.  I was then lead to lie under the dome and was covered in bubbles before he proceeded with a full body massage.  He kneaded my back like playdough and it was at this point i lost all care that he was fat, had more hair than skin and possessed a penis.  "very stressed" he uttered as he switched from thumbs to elbows to rid me from lumps.  After a shampoo head massage i was wrapped up in several towels and told to relax in the lounge with a cup of "special tea".  And then i floated home on a cloud.  When i am rich, i am going to buy him and will never need to wash myself again.

Yesterday was seen as a spare day to do as we wished.  A return to the Grand Bazaar for some shopping was on all our lists and so it was here our day started and here where we attempted a kebab crawl.  First stop was a Koftecisi, a place that sells only kofte meatballs.  Kofte and rice with pickled chillies and hot pepper debris is probably one of a favourite things to eat here.  They have always been a little raw in the middle and i am sure that this is why they are so good.  Second stop was just a few yards on from the Koftecisi and had locals pouring out of the entrance.  Skewers of different meats were lined up ready to be grilled over the coals on order.  A mixed lamb and liver kebab was the recommendation and went down a treat.  Some minutes after we arrived at a place selling kokorecs; a mish mash of seasoned sheep offal wrapped in intestines... this one was just for me then.  After grilled over coals it is chopped up finely and put in a half baguette with some salad.  It didn't taste awfully offally at all!  Lastly, a few hours later, a Cig Kofte wrap was on order.  This is a completely vegetarian mince with a shed load of spices rolled up in a flat bread with salad or served wrapped in lettuce leaves.  I have no idea what is in the paste; chick peas? beans? It was alright but i was a bit too stuffed by this time to really appreciate it.  Between us, we baught fridge magnets, soaps, a lantern, a water pipe, tea, a jacket, 3 shirts and a hammock. 

Today was the only warm and sunny day of the trip and we had only half of it to enjoy before we started heading back to the airport.  Typical.  Just enough time for some tea outside the blue mosque during the Friday prayers.  Prayers are over the speakers and are done several times a day.  The Friday "Jumma" is the most important and listening to the sermon, with Turkish tea, was a lovely way to finish our trip.  We started and ended our trip with tea.  The best kebabs in the world paired with some of the most fascinating history; Istanbul has it all for a quick city break. :o)